By: Terri Hawkins Ph.D., N.D.
We all want a relationship where we feel fully loved, deeply understood, and deeply valued, and where we walk the journey in complete harmony with another. Many times we are looking to the other person to provide us with what we want and need, when in truth, we simply mirror back that in which we give. We often have the idea that when the perfect person comes around, we will begin to be on our best behavior, and that we will change when we meet him or her. The universal law is that we attract those that our similar in the energy we are projecting at any given time, which would mean – that if we want another to be attentive, patient, non-judgmental, open in communication and understanding than it would be best to work on ourselves at the present moment, and every moment thereafter. Many have issues from a painful childhood that they have never addressed, and so they continue to draw others to them that re-create a similar, yet usually safer environment in order to work these same issues out. It’s as if they continue the same script with different actors and actress until they finally deal with the hurt, anger, and the pain that is being suppressed. In order for love to be strong and lasting, it must come out of wholeness and not out of emptiness. When one expects the other to fill the void that is within them, the relationship is drained rather than shared. When the other no longer feels like the most important person, does not feel needed, wanted, appreciated, loved and accepted for who they are, than they move away on every level. If the physical level is still shared, than it is done so out of resentment and not out of love and compassion. There are also those that have had the best of intentions that have created a love affair with their work, and the enticement came from keeping score financially. They are an expert at making that relationship work because it has not demanded anything from their heart, just their soul. After many years we often see one questioning the warmth that it provided and whether or not those that they surround themselves with understand them. They begin to step out from their work relationship and question what was thought to have worked so well before. The outcome of their actions is the rippling effect they are feeling at the present. That is not to say that one is right or wrong, or one way is better than another – it is a matter of choice. We create the situation that we are in at the moment, and many times we wonder why we are here. If we want to change the situation that we are in, we must begin by working on ourselves and not be concerned about changing everyone around us. When we begin to change our perception; our values, and that which we project to those around us, than we create a more conscious environment, one that we are often more comfortable in. We then have an understanding of where we are at with our relationships and ourselves – only then can we open our hearts and truly love, and allow others to love us in return.